| Psychology, Sex,

Are Women Kinkier Than Men?

Beatrice Lessi

The truth about female desire: it’s base, animalistic and ravenous

This is the  title of an  article by Tracy Clark-Flory published on Salon.com reviewing the best seller  What do Women Want? Adventures in the Science of Female Desire, by Daniel Bergner.

The Female Drive

Bergner sums up the work of a series of sexologists, all of whom have, after a series of studies with animal and human subjects, come to what is essentially the same conclusion. Women want sex just as much as men do, and their drive is not, for the most part, sparked or sustained by emotional intimacy and safety.

When it comes to the craving for sexual variety, the research Bergner assembles suggests that women may be even less well-suited for monogamy than men.

Results seem to prove that women are so much more like men, than we had ever admitted.

More Equality = More Sex

Yet acknowledging that women are as horny as men (if not hornier) isn’t enough to guarantee equality, just as the recognition that women are increasingly adept at breadwinning doesn’t ensure pay equity.

A research published in the Journal of Social Psychology – a survey of over 300,000 people from 37 countries – found that countries with a higher gender equality (per rankings from the World Economic Forum Global Gender Gap Report) had more casual sex and more sexual partners. In nations with less equality between the sexes, the opposite was true. In short: more equality = more sex.


Neroli Portofino campaign by Tom Ford. More and more women wish a playful relationship in their bedrooms. Photo: best-cologne-for-men.com

Why 50 Shades of Grey?

Much has been said and written about the success of books like  50 Shades of Grey, which might suggest that women (more than 100 millions of them, according to a recent estimate, read the book) are kinkier than men.

But is it really so, or is it simply that women finally start to feel empowered and tell openly their desires?  In an interview with Business Insider, couple therapist and best selling author Esther Perel points out that this cultural phenomenon says something about the erotic mind of women:

It is  written by a woman, read by women and  discussed by women. The fact that women today can own the conversation – at least in some parts of the world – about their sexuality and their erotical mind, is in itself very important.   For most part of history, men owned the sexuality of women. They determined where women sexuality could express itself and controlled it. The fact that reading 50 Shades of Grey  is not part of the erotic fantasies of men does not mean than men are not part of the conversation. When a woman claims her sexuality, when she gives voice to the inner working of her erotic mind, she says “I am sexual” . A woman who says I am sexual frees the man from his predatory fear. If she says “I like it too”,  he is freed from the fear of hurting her, from her fragility and from his need to protect her, because she basically says “I enter into this playground of the fear together with you”.




Jessica Alba enjoys plenty of male company in a Campari Calendar shoot. Photo: campari.com

Conclusion: Men And Women Equally Look For A Suitable Partner

In his article Turns Out Women Have Really, Really Strong Sex Drives: Can Men Handle it Hugo Schwyzer sums it up:

Though some women surely still want to play at passivity while men protect, provide, and perform, plenty more women want another “p” word: partners. Flexible, unintimidated, and playful partners in the bedroom, in the kitchen, and in public life.